


talk me down.

by sakuyamons



Category: Digimon Tamers
Genre: Character Death - Sort of, F/F, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 12:19:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7844662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuyamons/pseuds/sakuyamons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>night·mare<br/>/ˈnītˌmer/</p><p>noun<br/>1. a frightening or unpleasant dream</p><p>three times Ruki was there for Juri, and one that Juri didn't let her in.</p><p>Loosely based off Bad End verse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	talk me down.

**Author's Note:**

> my favorite prompt: "Pain and Grief" 
> 
> the last part, part iv, is loosely based off my other fic, bad end: http://archiveofourown.org/works/7454428/chapters/16939480 because i just couldn't let the opportunity pass.

i

 

The very first time she had a bad dream on Ruki’s house, it had caught them completely off guard.

 

She had stayed at Ruki’s place before - and there had not been incidents till now, maybe that was because she liked to stay there so much, because it was almost like that home had an aura that would protect her from those bad dreams, at first, she had felt quite bad of interrupting her friend’s nights, but Ruki didn’t mind, and her family told her that they loved when she came to visit.

 

So, yes, she thought nothing would touch her as long as she slept on the futon next to Ruki’s.

 

_ She shouldn’t have listened to it, it’s voice (that was talking to her and only her) was monotonous and robotic, she didn’t know shit about the Digital World - none of these kids that she called friends knew - but she should have known it was trouble, everything on this place is trouble. _

 

_ They were one, the D-Reaper and Her. _

 

_ It had been her who was trapped inside with Culumon - but on the dream it had been also her the disgusting thing that her friends were fighting against, and when one of them laid a blow on the reaper, she felt the punch on her guts. _

 

_ Dukemon, SaintGargomon, Sakuyamon. _

 

_ Takato, Jianliang, Ruki. _

 

_ They had biomerged with their Digimon to reach the Ultimate, and perhaps what they ignored is that this thing was the same thing for Juri, just a rotten and twisted version of it. _

 

“Juri!”

 

If Ruki could have screamed, Juri would be absolutely sure she had.

 

It had been her who had snapped her out of the dream by shaking her quite violently, it took Juri a few minutes to tell the difference between dream and reality, the other’s face was blurry which let Juri know that she had been crying while she was sleeping, her friend’s hand is holding hers and Juri gives it a light squeeze.

 

“What time is it?” She asks, trying to disimulate when her voice breaks, it doesn’t work.

 

“Late.” Ruki replies.

 

“D-Did I wake you up?”

 

“Don’t worry about that.” And then she speaks again before Juri dissolves herself into apologizes “Do you want to talk about it? Or you want to wait till tomorrow?”

 

She won’t talk tomorrow - or rather, today, she’s sure they are onto the very hours of dawn - but she’s too overwhelmed to talk coherently.

  
“D-D-D-”

 

She doesn’t finish the sentence - she cannot, but Ruki pulled her into a hug.

 

“He’s gone, he can’t hurt you.”

 

Juri refuses to let go of the hug, but the horrible feeling has started to fade, leaving behind a numb emptiness on Juri’s stomach that she doesn’t know how to handle.

 

“I-I w-was h-him, on my dream, and it hurt, you guys saved me but were hurting me and…”

 

“You’re not that thing, Juri, it’s sealed, it won’t hurt you anymore.”

 

Juri falls asleep again while she’s still holding onto Ruki (she knows her friend isn’t into touching but she’s thankful for being held when she needs it), she knows it’s not just words, their digimon friends might not come back, and the D-Reaper won’t either, yet, part of her is still worried that it might come back, and it uses her again to ruin people’s lives.

 

She’s apologizing while she falls back onto sleep.

 

She’s even apologizing in dreams.

 

\--

 

The most strange thing about her nightmares is how she acts with total normalcy the day after.

 

She still remembers the nightmare, but somehow, she doesn’t think much about it and she probably won’t until nighttime, she has to sleep at her house tonight, after all, but for now, she’s eating breakfast with Ruki while they listen to one of Ruki’s bands.

 

“I have nightmares too, sometimes” Ruki confesses abruptly “Not as bad as yours, but sometimes I wake up sweating.”

 

Juri is at disbelief at first - it might sound selfish - but she never thought that Ruki would have nightmares, not because Juri had it worse, but because Ruki looks so strong she has problems believing that she could be bothered by something like nightmares, somehow, knowing this feels kinda comforting. 

 

“They’re scary, aren’t they?” 

 

Ruki shrugged.

 

“Yeah.” She doesn’t look at her while she’s talking about it “Sometimes it’s that the Reaper comes back, and I’m all alone, but Renamon’s on the Digital World, so the Reaper attacks me and broadcasts it on the Digital World, so Renamon can watch it. It’s not pretty.” 

 

Juri wants to hug her, Ruki sends her a quick glance to let her know that she doesn’t want that, so she instead asks.

 

“Have you told anyone?” 

 

“No. I don’t need to tell you that nobody has to know, do I?”

 

Juri shook her head.

 

She doesn’t need to tell Ruki that nobody has to know about her nightmares, either, she knows she won’t tell.

 

* * *

 

ii

 

“Ruki, are you asleep?”

 

“No.” 

 

They had gone through this numerous times already, but Juri still feels a twist of guilt when she wakes Ruki up.

 

Sure, nightmares are horrible - because Ruki’s are just bad dreams, but Juri’s are her deepest thoughts come to life to torture her, but at least once (if) she calms down, she can go back to sleep, but she doesn’t know if the alternative is better.

 

The alternative is when she doesn’t sleep at all.

 

“Problems with falling asleep?” The other girl asked, still on that limbo between falling asleep and waking up.

 

“...Yeah.”

 

Juri sighed, this was the second time in a row, she feels herself tired - but she just cannot rest, and she wakes her friend up because she knows Ruki will be upset if she doesn’t and because if she doesn’t wake her up, she shall be alone with her thoughts and her thoughts at 2:45 AM aren’t exactly child friendly. 

 

“You look bad.”

 

“Thank you, Ruki.” 

 

The other twelve year old puts her arm around Juri’s shoulders, she is awake now.

 

“We must stop this.”’

 

“How?”

 

“Hot milk?”

 

“Ruki.”

 

“It’s the only idea I got.” Ruki was an amazing friend, the best friend a girl could ask, but sometimes she has some dumb ideas, sometimes because she didn’t know what to suggest, and it’s two a.m, she isn’t on her brightest time of the day “Shall we turn on the tv and fall asleep with the boring schedule?” 

 

“That won’t work.”

 

“I guess you’re right.” There’s a silence between them before Ruki speaks “We are fucked, then.”

 

She doesn’t know if it’s the lack of sleep, but Juri fights the need to laugh, everything is funny at two a.m.

 

“Well, since you won’t go to sleep - and I won’t unless you do, we might as well kill some time, I’ll let you sleep in the morning.” 

 

“What are we going to do?” 

 

“I don’t know, speak hours and hours about our feelings?” 

 

Juri pushes her friend playfully, but it doesn’t sound a like a bad idea, even though Ruki meant it as a joke.

 

“You start”

 

Ruki grimaced.

 

“What do you wanna know?”

 

Juri didn’t know, she wanted to know everything, they were best friends, Ruki knew lots of things about her - but Juri didn’t really know much about her, perhaps it was because Ruki kept stuff to herself most of the time, and Juri didn’t want to ask hard things.

 

“Why did you like the card game so much?”

 

“Because I was good at it.” Her friend yawned and then spoke again “My dad gave me my first deck.”

 

“You have a dad?”

 

“Everyone does, it was a really shitty deck, though, but I was really into the show back then, that’s how I learned.” She sighed “Or rather, I had one, he died.”

 

“I’m so sorry.” 

 

“Don’t be, we weren’t very close, I didn’t saw him much after the divorce, mom always says I’m just like him when she is mad, like, really mad, you didn’t want to see her when I told her I was going to the Digital World.” She sighed and then continued “Him and my mom were friendly exes, high school sweethearts, he married her when they were young and then they had me, they didn’t last much, though.”

 

“Do you mind if I ask why?”

 

“My father, like me, was very good at card games.” Ruki explains “But his favorite ones were gambling games.” 

 

Oh.

 

“He always won, except when he didn’t, and when he didn’t win, he would try over and over again he was used to win, so he wouldn’t stop until he did. They divorced when I was three and he died when I was seven, I don’t remember him much, but I think I loved him.”

 

“Oh, Ruki…” 

 

“Come on, don’t give me that face. I’m fine, it happened years ago.”

 

Juri knew that time didn’t heal that kind of wounds, they just scarred them.

 

“I bet he’s proud of you.” It was all that she could say “You’re a winner, after all.”

 

And they’re not just words or the fact that she was good at cards, hell, Ruki just gave that winner vibe - that she would succeed at anything that caught her attention, ,they don’t talk about school because school was boring, and Ruki’s scores were very similar to hers - average, but Juri knew that if Ruki found something, she’d be the best and even be recognized to it.

 

“Thank you, Juri. I bet your mom would be proud of you, too. You are…cool.” 

 

Juri couldn’t hold back her laugh, she knows that her friend means it, but of all the words, cool wasn’t what she expected on what it was supposed to hear on a late night conversation, this time it was Ruki who pushed her lightly.

 

“Shut up, dumbass.” She was holding back a grin “Never talking to you at this hour again, I retract what I said, you’re not cool.” 

 

“Yes, I am, you can’t retract it.”

 

“Yes, I can.”

 

“Cretin.”

 

“Idiot. Speaking of idiots, we should really try to go to sleep.” Ruki suggested with a yawn “Do you feel tired?” 

 

“Yeah, but I don’t know if I could go to sleep.”

 

“I’m staying awake, then.” 

 

“You don’t have to do that.”

 

Ruki stuck her tongue at her.

 

“I know.” She rubbed her eyes and continued “Sorry, I cannot help much, you only listened to my backstory.”

 

You are awake at two A.M talking to me and you think you aren’t helping me. Don’t underestimate yourself, Ruki.

 

“I like listening to you.”

 

“I know you don’t like to listen to this.” The other began, and Juri knew the dreaded conversation was coming “But you need to see a doctor.” 

 

“Doctors are expensive.”

 

“So is your lack of sleep, how long until people notice? Do your parents know?” 

 

“No.” 

 

She had no intention to tell them, she loves her family, and she doesn’t really want to inconvenience them by telling her about her sleep problems.

 

“You know I do what I can, and I don’t mind, but I’m not a doctor.”

 

“You can just say psychiatrist.”

 

She hated the concept of going to a psychiatrist, not because the stigma of being labelled crazy (she had been called that a couple of times, though), but because she really wasn’t a fan of taking pills and her memory sucked at that, she really doesn’t want it to be a waste of time, and she knows it would be awkward if her parents went with her, they know she has problems, but they don’t know how deep.

 

Not like Takato or Ruki do.

 

“I’ll agree with it if you and Takato-kun come with me.” She finally says, and sleep is finally starting to welcome her “Deal?”

 

“I was planning to go with you anyway, but yeah, deal.”

 

She doesn’t remember when she fell asleep, it must have been quick after their conversation, but she woke up early, too much for her dismay, her hand is resting on Ruki’s back and the other girl seems to be sleeping calmly, no nightmares for her, that’s relieving.

 

Saying that fell in love with her at that moment would be a mistake, but at that time, it was when she realized how pretty Ruki really was, she looked pretty when she was awake, and that serious expression she had on it’s place was kinda cute, but as she was peacefully sleeping? She looked absolutely endearing.

 

She kissed Ruki’s cheek, the other didn’t even move.

 

* * *

 

iii

 

“I woke up from a nightmare.” She whispers, trying to not awake her whole family “And I know it’s late, but I needed to talk with you.”

 

“God knows I would have kicked your ass if you hadn’t called.” Her girlfriend has really a weird way to let people show how much she cared “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“...Ruki, do you love me?”

 

“...What the fuck? Of course I do.”

 

“On my dream you didn’t.” 

 

It’s probably her subconscious being stupid and showing her biggest insecurities as a dream, she should just ignore it, she knows Ruki loves her, she was the one who confessed, she was the one who remembered their one year anniversary (Honestly, Juri cannot remember the last time she saw Ruki as angry at her as when she forgot it), she knows by the way she holds her when she needs her or by the way she kisses her forehead when Juri falls asleep, she feels stupid about asking that, because if Ruki didn’t love her, she wouldn’t have answered the damn phone at these hours.

 

And perhaps that’s why she called her.

 

“I was there, on the D-Reaper, you know how those nightmares always are, but I’m screaming for you and you just stood there and…”

 

She’s whimpering, she cannot help it.

 

“Are you crying? Please tell me you’re not crying.” 

 

“I-I’m trying not to but…” She choked a sob, but it was still audible enough.

 

“Calm down, it was just a bad dream, I don’t say it often, but I do love you, I hate being this corny but -” 

 

“Saying that you  _ love your girlfriend _ is not corny, silly.” She interrupts slightly irritated.

 

“I can guess you feel better if you interrupted me.” She can feel Ruki’s smile and she smiles a little too “I mean that I guess those dumb songs from the radio that talk about love make sense now, thanks to you. And don’t cry, you know I just...don’t deal well with it, and that kinda sounds selfish since I’m the one trying to comfort you.”

 

“You’re comforting me by talking to me at the phone at these hours.” And she knows she must sound clingy but…”Can you repeat it, please?”

 

“I love you, Juri.”

 

Okay, that feels better.

 

And it’s not like she doubts it, she doesn’t need to hear it every time to know it’s true, but hearing it once in a while made her feel this warm feeling on her stomach that made her feel giddy when she was in good spirits and made her feel better when she had a bad night like now.

 

“I love you, too. Sorry for calling so late.”

 

“It’s not late, we have stayed up till way more later than this. I was thinking, actually...do you want to hang out tomorrow? We can go eat somewhere, or watch a movie, or whatever you want, your choice.” And before she can reply, Ruki continues “We can go to that pastry store you said it opened the other day, with boutique desserts, I’ll pay, if we go somewhere, I pay, that’s my condition.”

 

“I don’t want you to spend your money, I’d feel like a leech.”

 

“I insist.”

 

“Let’s stay at your house, then, I’ll bring horror movies and pretend to be scared so you hug me and we’ll make out when the monster is eating the blonde one, that way you’ll cheer me up without you having to spend your money.”

 

“Making out while an horror movie is on? You’re so weird.” 

 

Ruki says that like she isn’t going to be the one who’s going to start the makeout session out of how boring the movie is going to be, Juri already has in mind picking the worst ones of her collection.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Just ask.”

 

“If we...break up, you’re still going to be there, right?”

 

“You can be certain of that, if I don’t, you can kick my ass.”

 

“Thank you, goodnight.”

 

“Goodnight, Juri, and you’re staying at my house tomorrow, no complains.”

 

It was probably a security measure in case she got nightmares.

 

Not that Juri would complain, though.

 

* * *

 

iv

She woke up screaming and it hadn’t been her screams that woke her up, it had been the raspy feeling of her sore throat, she should get used to the nightmares right now, but here is the thing: one never gets used to the feeling of being haunted on dreams, but this was different.

 

She needed to hug somebody, someone, Ruki if it was possible, but she wasn’t here and she couldn’t find the stupid stuffed toy Ruki had given her on her birthday, so she decides to call her instead.

 

Please answer, please answer, you cannot be -

 

“Juri, where the fuck are you?” 

 

She sounds irritated and it just clicks that they were supposed to hang out together today, if she sounds that pissed off then she might have been waiting for a while, and she should apologize but how she was supposed to address this without creeping her out? _ Sorry that I left you waiting sweetheart I went to nap for ten minutes and I dreamed that you were dead?  _

 

She’s talking with Ruki right now, she’s fine.

 

_ (Oh the dream she had been fine too, at first, she had her head resting on Juri’s tights with a book on her face while she talked about their future together). _

 

“I’m sorry, I forgot.” 

 

“We’ve been waiting for you for thirty minutes.” 

 

_ (She had said that one day she would like to live on her own, but that paying for rent for an apartment would be easier between two and had suggested that if she did get a small apartment, Juri should move in with her and Juri had kissed her as a yes.) _

 

“We?”

 

“Oh - I didn’t told you? Renamon is back, but she’s on her baby version, Viximon.”

 

_ (But then the dream turned pitch black - no, it turned red, dark red, the color of dried blood which was tainting Ruki’s clothes, whatever it happened, it wasn’t pretty, the way her arm had been ripped off - she hears the doctor commented that it was like a wild animal had attacked her, but there are no wild animals in Shinjuku and the answer is too horrifying to even think about it.) _

 

“No...you didn’t told me.”

 

“Guess I must have forgot, she came as a digi-egg, hatched at midnight and when I woke up she was here.” 

 

_ (Ruki is connecting to a breathing machine and her vital signals are starting to week, she had never liked to give up, and so she had fought hard to cling to life but it was a losing battle, she was losing her and she wonders what did she do that God is going to take her away too, Takato-kun is also missing, but Jian went to visit her on the hospital and when he went out, his face was pale like he had been slapped. _

 

_ It was Ruki’s dying reveal, Juri guesses.) _

 

“Oh.”

“Juri, is everything okay?”

 

_ (Ruki is holding her hand with all the strength she has left - which isn’t much, she’s high off morphine and it’s obvious that she wants to sleep but refuses to, because she knows she won’t wake up again, but she’s barely conscious and when Jian enters the room to visit her, Juri asks. _

 

_ “Lee-kun, who did this? W-Who…?” _

 

_ Who killed her? _

 

_ Jian’s reply almost makes her slap him. _

 

_ “She asked me not to tell you.”) _

 

“Yeah, I just took a nap and I forgot about hanging out together, sorry!”

 

_ (“She cannot speak! She is dying!” _

 

_ Jian doesn’t need to tell her that it was a last request, Juri knows, and if she wasn’t certainly sure that Ruki is going to die soon - she’d be furious at her, but she cannot, she can’t be mad at her when she’s dying yet she wants to be, God, she’d do anything to see her girlfriend overcome this, having no arm will be hard but Ruki would manage and Juri would be there for her like Ruki had been before and… _

 

_ Ruki squeezes her hand lightly and Juri turns to face her, the four words that her girlfriend whispered broke her heart. _

 

_ “I love you, Juri.” _

 

_ It should have been somehow comforting that her last words to her were those three words. _

 

_ But she feels so empty, so heartbroken, so defeated that she cannot say it back.) _

 

“Juri, are you hiding something? Did you have a nightmare?”

 

Perhaps she should tell her - not by phone, of course, she had nightmares of herself suffering, or her loved ones causing her suffering, but this was the first time she had such a vision.

 

Yet, she cannot help but remember Jian’s words at the dream, she asked me not to tell you, as a final wish and whatever had happened there, Ruki had decided that it was better for her (and probably extended to her family) didn’t know what it was.

 

So, Juri decides to return the favor, not out of petty revenge for something that hadn’t happened, but because she doesn’t want to ruin Ruki’s day, after all, Renamon is here which means that Ruki is safe.

  
“No, don’t worry about that. Be there in fifteen minutes.”


End file.
